It's about time

"Dream, Dream, Dream… Dreams transform into thoughts and thoughts result in action." I wonder if Dr. Kalam mentioned the assumptions he took when he wrote this quote. And hundreds of other quotes that are not playing the supporting role this pandemic season.

I am wondering there are many more like me — and we are all worried about our future, which seems to have adopted the darkest wallpaper. There's no see-through, there is no assurance, and worst is that this darkness is the reality. We might wanna live in denial and stay completely optimistic about the situation, but I guess it's difficult.

I belong to the crowd that graduated in 2019 and, like most of them, I chose to work for a year. I made choices that were against several odds and I have always been proud of that. This quarantine season, I am blessed to live with the eldest crowd of my family and I am having this opportunity after a very long time. I am assuming most of us don't like living at home. We are so used to having the freedom of making our own choices that even when my mom asks me to eat breakfast at 11 AM, it feels like a restriction.

Every supper at the dining table sounds like a 'life season' and by the time corona ends I will have a volume ready quoted 'Lessons of life 2020'. My generation, we don't like being taught. Do we?

I remember how my mom made me sit on the kitchen slab while she rolled chapatis for the family. She used to recite the poems from my nursery book and I used to repeat after her. I believed in everything she told me. I saw the world through her eyes. But now I guess 15 years down the lane, we argue on everything. We haven't and never can learn to agree to disagree. She would tell me to play safe and I somehow end up holding the hot vessel with my naked hands. She would teach me to follow the trend and I would always revolt by saying, 'I am reluctant to be a part of the herd mentality'.

The year 2020 started with a lot of opportunities. It felt like God chose me to complete my bucket list and would shower all his blessings on me. It was only when we completed a quarter of this year I realized how wrong my assumptions were. With once having a dream of making a formula race car, I was now very close to having an opportunity to become a User-Experience Designer. I was gonna pursue my dreams after a very long wait. And when COVID-19 was declared a pandemic, I definitely lost it.

I had no control over the sleepless nights. I was anxious. Every hour I scrolled through coronavirus cases and was looking relentlessly for vaccine development. I was losing hope with every passing day, and it was all too fast that I didn't even realize that this is it. This is the vacation I have always been looking forward to. It was for the first time when I had a chance to do things I wanted to. To learn something, without having a fear of excelling my exams or any all-India ranking. I may not be doing my best here, but I know I am definitely gonna get something out of this — even a different perspective will suffice.

I was so happy about having 7/9 admits from top universities of the US. But the travel bans, that's driving me crazy. I have never felt so uncertain in my life. Looking at my achievements, I always felt confident, but for the first time 'I don't know' is my favorite reply.

So now when my future looks like the wallpaper of the movie Joker where coronavirus has taken over Joaquin Phoenix's face, I don't know what to do. I guess my mom's lesson on 'following the trend' is finally taking the lead here.

For almost 22 years of my life, I have transformed into becoming this person where I question every convention that doesn't seem right to me. In my defense, I am a Science student and I put logic into everything. The stubbornness of not following a single soul and 'writing my own story' has always made me believe in myself, and I am obviously not letting this virus take that away from me.

When the world is talking about a lot of things — trust me, HELL LOT OF THINGS — about the future of the earth, and if human existence is a question, I am just gonna tell my folks to stay calm. You are not alone in losing your shit. We are all a part of the same club who is still learning. And till then, this time is the best time and most certainly 'Your Time'. Do justice with it.

Because no matter how much my mother hates me for arguing with her, in the end, the truth is she made me who I am.